SILENT SCREAM OUT OF THE DIARY (REVISED VERSION)

this particular piece has a plot behind it for something on a larger scale as in for novel or screenplay. it’s the inception of it all behind the scenes. this is the key cog.

*********

it’s another silent night

in a get all out social

of recent posts.

it’s a more than a teaser

coming out of a papermill hollow

out of this northwestern pa town.

it’s a behind the scenes

of intrusive behaviors

to bring about muscles

in a different kind of way.

this wind scorpion,

it’s fingers -

like spider legs,

work the keyboard

with an obsessive compulsive

post traumatic stress disorder

in a mr. quiet vengeance

in a bring about resurrection.

don’t be afraid

if it’s a serial killer -

it’s only for the die-hard horror society.

TEN MINUTE THEURAPUTIC SESSION

I remember the time
my dad, brother and i
went to go to see my mother
in warren pa
at the state psychiatric hospital.
my brother was about 11
and i was about 12.
i am the oldest of the siblings.
i took away a lot of visuals
that day after i left.
i learned early on
to retreat from anything
that was difficult to swallow.
my mother struggled off and on
with her bi-polar condition.
i suppose i had been in my forties,
and my sister had to forcibly
get her entered in the hospital.
my sisters were the overseers,
and i had been informed
she was there.
i wasn’t strong enough
to tackle such a thing.
i went to go to see her
that particular night.
let me tell ya,
she was the extreme extrovert.
that woman flatly could talk.
when her condition
would flair up,
she’d be in an extreme manic mode.
her conversation
was so fast,
but yet it seemed
as if she had lived
on the streets.
i teared up that night.
she never knew i had,
and after i left
while driving home,
the tears started to flow.
some think that when you become and adult,
you just grab and eraser
and erase your childhood completely away.
i haven’t been able to do that
on either front.
it would just be nice
if someone could really identify
how things were for me.

Highly Informative Article

sometimes i get frustrated in explaining how i am as a person. this is the way i was as a kid and no one knew it.
**********
A highly sensitive child is one of the fifteen to twenty percent of children born with a nervous system that is highly aware and quick to react to everything. This makes them quick to grasp subtle changes, prefer to reflect deeply before acting, and generally behave conscientiously. They are also easily overwhelmed by high levels of stimulation, sudden changes, and the emotional distress of others. Because children are a blend of a number of temperament traits, some HSCs are fairly difficult–active, emotionally intense, demanding, and persistent–while others are calm, turned inward, and almost too easy to raise except when they are expected to join a group of children they do not know. But outspoken and fussy or reserved and obedient, all HSCs are sensitive to their emotional and physical environment.

Is my child highly sensitive?
One way to know is to complete the online questionnaire ‘Is Your Child Highly Sensitive?‘, which also provides a good sense of what is meant by a “highly sensitive child.” The items come from a longer list given to over a hundred parents and then statistically selected to best identify HSCs. It is one way to know if a child is highly sensitive, but not always accurate for a given child. Another way to know is to read more about the trait and decide for yourself.

So, what now?
First, appreciate that this is a wonderful trait. It is no illness or syndrome. Nor is it something new I made up or “just discovered.” It is an inborn temperament or style that is found in about twenty percent of children and of nearly all animals. Anything so persistent is not abnormal. It represents a strategy of taking everything into account before acting (the other, more common innate strategy is to act quickly and be first, then think later). The trait serves an important purpose for the individual sensitive person and for the larger society–for example, sensitive persons sense danger and see the consequences of an action before others do.

Unfortunately, the trait has been somewhat misunderstood in our culture, so that most psychologists and parents tend to see only one aspect of some sensitive children and call this trait shyness, inhibitedness, fearfulness, fussiness, or “hyper” sensitivity. If one could see inside the mind of a sensitive child, however, one would learn the whole story of what is going on–creativity, intuition, surprising wisdom, empathy for others…

But, for all of that to blossom, they absolutely must be raised with understanding. Otherwise, as adults they are prone to depression, anxiety, and shyness.

So, the second “what now” might be to read The Highly Sensitive Child. I wrote this book because so many adults were telling me that their childhoods were excruciatingly difficult, even when their parents had the best intentions, because no one knew how to raise them. Parents and teachers told them there were “too sensitive” or “too shy” or “too intense.” They tried to change and could not, and so felt increasingly isolated or ashamed. My hope is to spare some children such unnecessary suffering and the world the waste of so much talent, because HSCs have a tremendous amount to offer the world. But they do need special handling. They need to be appreciated, to have their special needs and sometimes intense reactions and behaviors understood, and, when correction is needed, they need to be handled with special care so that they do not become anxious or ashamed of their failure.

This book is rooted in years of my experience as a psychotherapist and consultant to HSPs and parents of HSCs, plus interviews with parents, teachers, and HSCs themselves for the book. Then there are my experiences from my fumbling efforts to raise an HSC before I knew what that was. And there’s what I know from having been an HSC myself.

Again, few parents and teachers understand this trait-–and as a result, HSCs are often mislabeled as “problem children” (and in some cases, misdiagnosed with disorders such as Attention Deficit Disorder). But raised with proper understanding and care, HSCs are no more prone to problems than nonsensitive children and can grow up to be happy, healthy, unusually well-adjusted and creative adults.

PAUSE FOR A COMMERCIAL

over the years,

found it tough to go to funerals.

some of them

i’d like to have gone to.

thinking of all that sadness

was just to close.

It’s impact more than you’d might expect.

I was simply a walking funeral home -

flowers no where to be seen.

carrying all that sadness

mixed in with tears leaving tributaries

without anyone ever knowing.

it’s tough I tell ya.

that walking funeral home

is starting to dissipate ever so slowly.

it takes a real man

to be open.

poetry it really is god’s gift

for the world.

i’d say, it’s about time

to make it a lot more mainstream.

TOUGH TEACHINGS – A SPIRITUAL PLANNER

it was a very cold

early january morning

at minus seven degrees.

no water again

for the second time

in a three day span.

on this day,

it didn’t matter -

flames took it over.

it was a tussle

of two distinct energies

on this meaningful day.

my home had some energy.

a back bedroom door

i’d use that cheap ass

sliding lock to keep it shut.

i’d leave to goto a reading

in erie pa,

and after i’d get home,

it’d be wide open.

a more than a one time occurrence.

on another particular day,

I put some rush in -

felt inspired for the first time

in a long time

and grabbed a pen and notebook.

in the living room,

I had a touch lamp.

I felt compelled to look up,

the bulb flickered

on and off for two minutes.

it wasn’t the first time

I had witnessed that.

that was a teaching moment,

and the man upstairs knew

that putting me in pickles

was for good reason -

including the latest granddaddy of them all.

that day with the music playing -

the light flickering -

pen and notebook in my hand

had a special significance.

I had never seen that door

unlock itself and swing wide open,

but I sure had with that flickering bulb.

the good spirits

were battling it out with the bad spirits.

sometimes you are born with talent

and the man upstairs

either lets you have it right away,

or other times he shows

it is better to wait and feel the world,

that way you can show empathy for the word,

even if it means

having to put up with spineless skinless spirits

just to prove he has something

way better ahead to make me stand out

where they thought

I was just a nobody.

 

HALT FOR A MINUTE AND STAND BY

if i could crack the sky

in the beautiful blue above,

and look up momentarily -

would many voices

start to join in on the procession

as I sit

and watch the parade

where no one is paying attention?

the fire trucks

moving slowly ever so shiny

sounding sirens

as firemen throwing candy

just like a cherry queen

would do the same

sitting in a classic convertible.

but one voice clear up high

begins to emerge

to create a passageway

to once again open me to the outside,

to consider and truly consider

that gladness doesn’t always follow

everyone else’s parade.

sometimes you have to crawl around

and get your elbows dirty

to find that that the drum skin

of your heart … that is so original -

that it’s time

to realize that life educations

means that when the drum sticks

fall out of your hands,

you’ve got to keep reaching for them

to one day show the world

you can twirl them in your hands

and leave your unique beats.

that special voice takes a long pause,

then says – leave an image

to get your point across

with that vibrational spirit.

I laid the pen down

and watched it shimmer

in an ever so soft glitter

like liquid blue ink.

 

 

 

Magical moment

doncarroll:

taken from AB words….always try many new things …pushes you, across the rough….wizardry is required. (me …it sure does !!)

Originally posted on Perspectives on life, universe and everything:

I
always try
many new things
this one is tough
pushes you, across the rough
catapults you, into deep dark heavens
Wizardry is required, to break the spell
Once it is broken and you have awoken
Life transcends, broken bends, magic has arrived, make amends

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