FIRST POEM

i remember –

it had a weak bridge

in the construction.

lines so sad –

very little hope

that particular day.

 

 

it was a free verse.

 

 

it wasn’t me

that felt so desperate.

stop jumping to conclusions.

the poem took a dive,

did a somersault

through the air

and belly smacked

into the water.

 

 

even for a beginner –

and ending means absolutely everything!!

7 responses to “FIRST POEM

  1. the poem took a dive,

    did a somersault

    through the air

    and belly smacked

    into the water.

    Wow! Love the personification here. Very effective and I totally “see” what you mean. Love it!

    • arabwriter…..nice to see a statement with emphasis…:) this piece is about 8 years old and i re-formulated parts of it this morning. it does have an element of the personal when things weren’t very bright. but yes, as to writing poetics, we all have been there. as to the readings in toronto, it is called the victory cafe. it is really a nice place.

      • i forgot to add, this piece even though it is 8 years old, is actually about about 25 years old as it was a reflection of a cousin who left life on his own terms. so, that in effect was my first ever poem. one day you would be a cool meet and greet in the world with words….:)

      • I am very sorry to hear that, Don 😦 I lost family, too, so I understand where you’re coming from. It’s a beautiful poem and really does justice to your cousin. I wish you courage and healing and thank you for sharing.

  2. This is a really terrific poem. I love how the poem comes to life. I thought initially that the opening was meant to trick the reader, but I read in your comment above that the first stanza was in fact based on a cousin. I like how you then compare that to the poem you’re writing. It’s both poignant and philosophical, which usually don’t happen together!

    • lora, i’m glad that you saw the extra commentary on it. my cousin’s passing was my first piece of poetics. and when i took elements of that and realizing how not so good it was, it helped create this new version. so, actually this poem saw three stages of its life.

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